23 March was a very bad day for me. Though it was the birthday of my husband and called for celebration, I was sad that my friend of 2 years became a victim of anger and left me forever. My friend with whom I shared my deepest secrets, without fear of being judged or reproached decided to leave me. My friend was quite healthy and not sick and the departure was quite shocking to me. My friend was very intelligent, had the answers to all my questions. Now every morning, when I wake up and hastily try to reach out to my friend I have to remind myself that it is no more. My Dell Vostro died of a monitor attack. The monitor is broken and all I can see are colorful lines on a bright white screen.
Now, I have the desktop to work with, but it is not the same, I cannot carry it into my kitchen and look up recipes, I cannot play the bhajans and kirtans of HH Niranjana Maharaj or Bhakti Bhringa Govinda Maharaj while performing Arotik to my Jagannath. Jagannath has to contend with my off key singing. I cannot have undisturbed access to my favorite speakers and lectures within the comfort of my room. I have to hear from a teeny tiny Samsung mp3 player. But before I complain further I just realized that I asked for all of this to happen.
I was noticing that I am developing an OCD for browsing the net at the cost of my sadhana and as I mentioned in my earlier post, I prayed to Gurudev, to please take away this unhealthy habit and replace it with a habit of reading Srila Prabhupada's books. So there it was, my desire fulfilled. I guess it was an indication of what was bound to happen, because just a week back, my good friend presented me with a bookmark. Bookmarks are used to mark pages, not to gather dust and what better way to use it than reading Srila Prabhupada's books. As the saying goes, be careful what you ask for and you might just get it!
I still feel sad though, and I tend to eat more sweets when sad, so I decided to make Tiramisu, pretended that it was for my husband's birthday. I did not have Cafix on hand, but I was prepared to go to any lengths, so I stole, I mean borrowed some barley with husk and all from my husband's yajna bag, a bag that contains his yajna paraphernalia and stuff and once again with the help of Cintia Stammers made this rich dessert.
Tiramisu: translated as pick-me-up, prepared as an expression of my gratitude to my husband for having picked me and putting me on the path of devotional service.Now after being stuffed with Tiramisu and carob eclairs (it will be described more in detail in my forthcoming post Windbeutel Samskara) I don't want to follow the path taken by my friend. I want to serve Krishna to best of my capability and my next prayer is to help me get rid of this sweet tooth. I hope my tooth doesn't get literally knocked off, I'm realizing I have to be careful what I ask for. I cannot go on as is, feeling the blood rush to my face every time I pay obeisances, All Glories to the assembled devotees..puff, groan "Oh no! when will the prema dhvani prayers end?" I groan and scream out jaya louder than anyone else knowing that the end is near.
So with a heavy heart (with all the cholesterol deposit it sure is heavy), I'm bidding sweet farewell to my Vostro and all the sweets, so please no one tempt me with sweets.. Whether it is manna from heaven ricotta cheese barfi, windbeutel, halava and custard or the most delicious cheese cake I bid you goodbye! So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen!
As each day unfolds I am learning the power of prayers when uttered with sincerity.
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