Windbeutel Samskara.

It would not be wrong to call ourselves a bundle of Impressions or Samskaras. Some, from this very birth and some from lifetimes before. In my own life, apart from the actual passages of rites, like marriage, childbirth and subsequent Namakaran Samskara, Initiation etc., some very strong impressions are those associated with people, places, and food. The impressions of the delicate looking Mrs. Sen, forehead adorned with a lipstick bindi in my kindergarden years, the impression of picking cashew fruits on the way back from school. Eating rose cookies at the home of Ms. Phyllis, during Christmas. Going for a haircut with my father, perched on bar of his bicycle. Listening to Chandamama Stories from my mother. Playing hopscotch with friends on the streets till dusk. Visits to the British library on St. Marks Road in Bangalore, followed by drinking tender coconut water from the roadside vendor, or slurping the kesar flavored kulfi from the Bowring institute stall. Sitting down with my parents, brother and sisters to have lunch together, each sharing the happenings of the day with the others. Stealing mangoes from the neighbor's tree with all my friends. These samskaras can be called as Bhog Samskaras, or the material impressions, arising out of sense gratification.

In the latter years, it has been and is being steadily replaced with spiritual samskaras, related to the Lord, Sitting on the side steps of the Ranganatha temple in Sri Rangam learning to chant on the japa beads from my husband, visiting the Thanksgiving program at the then Brahmachari Ashram in New York with my husband, and wondering "Where am I?" Almost slipping in to Shyama Kund in Mayapur, or trying to have a dip in the Ganges without getting asphyxiated by fear. Seeing the Panca Tattva, Radha madhava and the Asta sakhis for the first time. The list can go on and on..
One such impression is that of eating 'windbeutel' literally translated to mean wind bag in English. Here are a few lines that I wrote in the memory of this pastry.
Embedded in my mind

like a pearl in an oyster shell

Are memories of Lueneberg

and eating creamy Windbeutel.

What is known as cream puffs here is known as windbeutel in Germany. Bite sized fluffy pastry injected with delicious cream. My friend Namrata or maybe Arshinder introduced this dessert to me and ever since this taste has been lodged in my conscience.

Bhoga Arati by Bhakti Vinod Thakur in my limited understanding sums up the menu of the Lord. All his likes are listed there. So, just before Gaura purnima this year out of my box of impressions sprang out this windbeutel. After all the 7th verse speaks of the Lord enjoying exactly these preparations:

"There are puns (replace the p with a 'b') made with white flour and sugar; puns filled with cream; laddus; and dahl patties boiled in sugared rice. Krsna eagerly eats all of the food."

So I embarked on my quest for the recipe. To my dismay eggs were the most important ingredient in the recipe for choux pastry, profiteroles or eclairs. Never the one to give up, I tried one recipe with egg replacer and the result was spongy feeling flat discs that wobbled around on my baking pan. The dough just failed to rise to the occasion. Scouting around in Kurma Prabhu's website, I was further discouraged that vegans and vegetarians had still not perfected it. So I settled for custard filled donuts. But, after a while, I found another recipe for carob eclairs on a link to 'Food for Peace' by Rambhoru Dasi..my joy knew no bounds, at last a recipe without eggs. But the result was not very great.

Custard donuts, ready to be filled with custard, When filled, it reminded me of the pots of the gopis, filled with butter.

Strawberry cream filled eclairs waiting to be topped with carob.

From a class on Samskaras, by HH Mahanidi Swami, "Hating or liking anything causes an impression in our minds. We have to learn to like things related to Krishna because its organic, its our Swabhav. Anything related to Krishna we should accept, aanukulyena sankalpa, healthy samskara, healthy raag (attachment). GOOD spiritual samskaras free one, are progressive, purifying, helpful, beneficial and should be cultivated at the expense of material samskaras.."

So much for my cream puff making. As always there is a lesson to learn. I was persistent in my endeavor to please my own senses. Where was Krishna in this picture? So often we make Palak paneer, because "oh!my son likes it!" or macaroni and cheese because,"my daughter likes it!" Anyway I learnt my lesson that on the pretext of preparing it for Krishna I was making it for myself, the result naturally had to be poor. Vulnerability is an asset in spiritual life, because had I been empty of my own desires like the windbeutel (wind bag) I would have definitely allowed a higher force to enrich and fill me up with the intelligence to proceed in the right direction. Spiritual endeavors result in spiritual Samskaras. Before starting to cook anything now, whenever I see the red light glowing in my mind, I stop and check "for whom am I making this particular offering Krishna, me or my family?" The earlier experience of eating windbeutel is now replaced with the ones of trying to make them for Krishna.

With that said, off I go to make some fudge, for Jagannath.

Sweet Farewell.

23 March was a very bad day for me. Though it was the birthday of my husband and called for celebration, I was sad that my friend of 2 years became a victim of anger and left me forever. My friend with whom I shared my deepest secrets, without fear of being judged or reproached decided to leave me. My friend was quite healthy and not sick and the departure was quite shocking to me. My friend was very intelligent, had the answers to all my questions. Now every morning, when I wake up and hastily try to reach out to my friend I have to remind myself that it is no more. My Dell Vostro died of a monitor attack. The monitor is broken and all I can see are colorful lines on a bright white screen.

Now, I have the desktop to work with, but it is not the same, I cannot carry it into my kitchen and look up recipes, I cannot play the bhajans and kirtans of HH Niranjana Maharaj or Bhakti Bhringa Govinda Maharaj while performing Arotik to my Jagannath. Jagannath has to contend with my off key singing. I cannot have undisturbed access to my favorite speakers and lectures within the comfort of my room. I have to hear from a teeny tiny Samsung mp3 player. But before I complain further I just realized that I asked for all of this to happen.

I was noticing that I am developing an OCD for browsing the net at the cost of my sadhana and as I mentioned in my earlier post, I prayed to Gurudev, to please take away this unhealthy habit and replace it with a habit of reading Srila Prabhupada's books. So there it was, my desire fulfilled. I guess it was an indication of what was bound to happen, because just a week back, my good friend presented me with a bookmark. Bookmarks are used to mark pages, not to gather dust and what better way to use it than reading Srila Prabhupada's books. As the saying goes, be careful what you ask for and you might just get it!

I still feel sad though, and I tend to eat more sweets when sad, so I decided to make Tiramisu, pretended that it was for my husband's birthday. I did not have Cafix on hand, but I was prepared to go to any lengths, so I stole, I mean borrowed some barley with husk and all from my husband's yajna bag, a bag that contains his yajna paraphernalia and stuff and once again with the help of Cintia Stammers made this rich dessert.

Tiramisu: translated as pick-me-up, prepared as an expression of my gratitude to my husband for having picked me and putting me on the path of devotional service.

Now after being stuffed with Tiramisu and carob eclairs (it will be described more in detail in my forthcoming post Windbeutel Samskara) I don't want to follow the path taken by my friend. I want to serve Krishna to best of my capability and my next prayer is to help me get rid of this sweet tooth. I hope my tooth doesn't get literally knocked off, I'm realizing I have to be careful what I ask for. I cannot go on as is, feeling the blood rush to my face every time I pay obeisances, All Glories to the assembled devotees..puff, groan "Oh no! when will the prema dhvani prayers end?" I groan and scream out jaya louder than anyone else knowing that the end is near.

So with a heavy heart (with all the cholesterol deposit it sure is heavy), I'm bidding sweet farewell to my Vostro and all the sweets, so please no one tempt me with sweets.. Whether it is manna from heaven ricotta cheese barfi, windbeutel, halava and custard or the most delicious cheese cake I bid you goodbye! So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen!

As each day unfolds I am learning the power of prayers when uttered with sincerity.