Spiritual Stock Taking

Yesterday (30 May) was the 5 year since we received Harinam Diksha or first initiation. Your name will be ...My heart was beating fast, and my stomach was churning , my daughter wanted to be fed while I was sitting at the fire sacrifice. I looked at the grim faces of the Maharajas and Guru Maharaj as they talked about the ten defences and the gravity of of initiation and initiation vows. Will I be able to chant 16 rounds every single day?? I was feeling dizzy from fasting and wanted to run out of the temple room. I looked at Radha Damodara helplessly. How am I going to do it, chanting seemed an insurmountable formidable task with an attention seeking 1.6 year old child. Mothers looked at me and shrugged saying . "Been there done that." Others told me Guru is like that switch through which you get connected to the Powerhouse or Krishna...

It was my turn to receive the beads, I had no Guru Dakshina for Gurudev, save a hastily put together sketch of Narasimhadev. I stretched my hand out holding the framed sketch. Gurudev graciously accepted my dakshina with a big smile encouraging me like a father would encourage a small child. I accepted my beads not graciously but with trepidiation. I was very sure I would get my 4 regs wrong but somehow I threw the words out into the mic. I could barely hear Guru Maharaj as he said "Your name again is based on your personality and means servant of the eternally fresh transcendental pastimes of Srimati Radharani- Nitya Navina DASI".Fast forward, 5 years later I'm still struggling to chant without offenses, but am trying hard. I am still trying to accept that I am a servant not the master and still missing the mercy due to my countless offences.Yet due to the services rendered to Jagannath, however small they may be, I received a birthday present, for my 5 spiritual birth anniversary! I got to attend the Ratha Yatra at Baltimore, have Darshan of the beautiful Gaura Nitai deities at New Kulina Gram, have darshan of devotees from my God Family and get a copy of the book Reflections on Sacred Teachings - Radha Sunya-Missing Mercy, by Gurudev- HH Bhakti Tirtha Swami. As I pulled on the Ratha Yatra cart I kept begging Lord Jagannath to please make His way back into my heart knowing fully well that there was no space for Him because it is full of filth. I haven't cleaned up the temple of my heart, performing the Gundica Marjanam, how than can deserve what I desire? But I can still try. I have heard that the Lotus eyed Lord is Bhava Grahi Janardhan and reciprocates with sincere desire of His devotees. He displayed the form of Ganesh, became Rukmini Dwarkadeesh and interacts in countless ways at the behest of His devotees, surely some day he will enter this wretched heart.

Tilakam Madhuram

We are on the way back from the temple, from the Sunday feast program. We are out of milk and I need to get it for Monday but wait a minute I am draped in a sari, with a bright tilaka adorning the ajna chakra covered by the layers of flesh and skin - my forehead. I pass a palm over my forehead trying to clear up the tilaka before I can enter the grocery store. "What will people think of my appearance!"

That was my initial reaction when I started putting on the tilaka. Nowadays, it doesn't really matter, I'm less conscious of my bodily appearance and am immune to the stares and glances of onlookers. The Urdva Pundra or the Tilaka is one of the 5 items received at the time of initiation, where a Vaisnava can adorn his body with tilaka.

The smrti-sastras explain panca-samskara in the following manner:
tapah pundram tatha nama mantro yagas ca pancamah/ami hi panca-samskarah paramaikanti-hetavah//
"Tapa, pundra, nama, mantra, and yaga-these five items comprise panca-samskara. They are the cause of intense devotion to Lord Hari." [3]
When a faithful person learns about panca-samskara, he approaches a religious teacher and humbly requests him for initiation, or diksa. After considering the student's sincerity, the teacher mercifully gives tapa and pundra to the student in order to sanctify his body. Some religious groups give tapa by marking the student's body in various places with the symbols of Sri Visnu's conch, disc, club and lotus using hot iron brands. Other religious groups imprint the name of Hari with clay using a sandalwood stamp. [In reference to tapa the smrti sastras further state:
hari-namaksarair gatram ankayet candanadina/sa loka-pavano bhutva tasya lokam avapnuyat// [4]
"One who marks his body with the syllables of Hari's name using sandal paste purifies the world and after death attains the kingdom of God."
[In the Sri Sampradaya of Ramanuja tapa is given by branding the body with the symbols of conch and disc, but Sri Caitanyadeva has instructed that we mark the body with Harinama using sandal paste etc. instead of brands. This rule is a blessing for the souls of kali-yuga.]
Pundra, or tilaka marks, are vertical lines drawn on the body. The sastras interpret these vertical marks either as symbols representing the Temple of Hari, or as His footprints. Accordingly each religious group has its own prescription for pundra which is universally accepted within that particular group. [5]

So when my daughter's friend came home the other day, she looked at my daughter first and said what is this mark you have on your forehead. She then entered and looked at a picture of prabhupada with the same mark, Guru Maharaja with the same mark, Jayananda Thakura and said why do so many guys have this strange mark. The typical third generation preacher that she is my daughter said to her " You know we follow a different religion." Pointing to the altar she said, " There are more guys in there with the same mark, but you have to be clean before you can open it." I let her do the talking. It is all in the eyes of the beholder, some people think its bird poo, others think its a weird paint, but Vallabhacharya has said it all in his Madhurastakam, and since we follow the Lord our business is to be reminded and remind others of Him at all times through our words and actions and appearance.

Gitam madhuram pitam madhurambhuktam madhuram suptam madhuramrupam madhuram tilakam madhurammadhur-adipater akhilam madhuram
His song is sweet, His drinking is sweet, His eating is sweet, His sleeping is sweet,His beautiful form is sweet, His Tilaka (mark on the forehead) is sweet,Everything is completely sweet about the Lord of Sweetness.
Text5

Narasimha Chaturdasi

Since the actual day of Narasimha Chaturdasi was a weekday we celebrated it at the property which will someday house our Radha Krishna in a temple. Here are some pictures of the celebrations.

Our Ugra and Jwala Narasimha Shilas.

Our Pancha loha Lakshmi Narasimha deva deity.

Radha Gokulananda surrounded with mustard blossoms

The Grass IS greener on the other side!

My sister and her family visited us en route, on a tour of America. When relatives visit it is always bittersweet. My sister (who is a good eight years older than me), or for that matter no one from my family can relate to the fact that I am no longer the person that I used to be. In the high school years of my sister, my parents received a complaint from the teachers that she was not paying enough attention to her studies. She was so attached to her new younger sibling; me... that she she was neglecting her studies and consequently scoring less marks. She still sees me as that little younger sister and is not able to fathom my affiliation to ISKCON or my fascination for Krishna and His pastimes.

As discussions always take the familiar route she said, "Why don't you'll come back to India?" I tried evading this all too familiar question smiling and serving them more upma. As if to highlight this fact that this is not the place where I should be, that very same evening when we went to the park,

My sister and her family with Vrinda.

some kids threw an empty can at us as they passed us by in their car and also swore at us using foul language. My sister was a little taken aback. I offered silent prayers to Srila Prabhupada and Jayananda Thakura, to give me strength to see those kids as lost souls. Jayananda Prabhu was expert at converting negative situations to positive ones and he is my role model,the very personification of humility. However my sister's question kept tormenting me especially since I keep expressing so much reluctance to go back and reside in a place like Mayapur. In Mayapur, the chances of someone swearing and throwing an empty can at us is naught! What is it that I'm holding on to and why do I fear going back? It is not that I have lived in a city all my life and won't be able to adjust to a secluded life. I am not able to submit to the will of the Lord and do as He desires. I want to be the controller and therefore have to pay the price in terms of mental torture. The park incident did cause some pain and some understanding that I don't belong here. The grass IS greener on the other side. When will I be able tear off the layers of conditioning and realize this. When will I give up my comfort zone and allow myself to be utilized like a puppet in His hands?

When will I be able to understand this whole existence on this planet is but a temporary transit lounge? Please do not let me get comfortable. I need the association of sadhus who will cut to shreds with their words my false ego and make me realize my place. Incidents like this make me wake up a little but I go back to sleep again comfortably! Ohe Vaisnava Thakura, Doyara Sagara E Dase Karuna Kori.

(1)ohe! vaiṣṇaba ṭhākura, doyāra sāgara,e dāse koruṇā kori'diyā pada-chāyā, śodho he āmāya,tomāra caraṇa dhori

(2)chaya bega domi', chaya doṣa śodhi',chaya guṇa deho' dāsechaya sat-sańga, deho' he āmāre,bosechi sańgera āśe

(3)ekākī āmāra, nāhi pāya bala,hari-nāma-sańkīrtanetumi kṛpā kori', śraddhā-bindu diyā,deho' kṛṣṇa-nāma-dhane

(4)kṛṣṇa se tomāra, kṛṣṇa dīte pāro,tomāra śakati ācheāmi to' kāńgāla, 'kṛṣṇa' 'kṛṣṇa' boli',dhāi tava pāche pāche

TRANSLATION
1) O venerable Vaisnava. O ocean of mercy, be merciful unto your servant. Give me the shade of your lotus feet and purify me. I hold on to your lotus feet.

2) Teach me to control my six passions; rectify my six faults, bestow upon me the six qualities, and offer unto me the six kinds of holy association.*

3) I do not find the strength to carry on alone the sankirtana of the holy name of Hari. Please bless me by giving me just one drop of faith with which to obtain the great treasure of the holy name of Krsna.

4) Krsna is yours. You have the power to give Him to me. I am simply your servant running behind you shouting, "Krsna! Krsna!"

REMARKS/EXTRA INFORMATION:
*The six passions are those pertaining to words, the mind, anger, the tongue, the stomach and the genitals. The six faults are overeating, attachment to material things, inability to follow regulative principles, sense gratification, useless idle talk, and impure habits. The six positive qualities are enthusiasm in practicing devotional service, firm faith in devotional processes, a strong desire to attain prema-bhakti, a favorable service attitude, avoidance of non-devotees, and appreciation of the company of devotees. The six methods of association are to go to an assembly of devotees, to invite devotees into one's home, to discuss and hear devotional topics, to take the maha-prasada of devotees and to offer maha-prasada to devotees.

The Rocking Horse

About 2 weeks ago as I was listening to the Nectar of Devotion class, part of our Bhakti Shastri program, the topic of discussion was Mercy. How without Mercy we cannot go anywhere in our spiritual life.

Mercy according to webster's is: A blessing that is an act of divine favor or compassion.

Mercy comes in many ways, we only have to recognize it. My mind was conjuring up images of a stationary rocking horse and a swift steed...

I mounted the horse gingerly,

Adjusting my boots and hat

The horse was colorful and enchanting.

I thought I would gallop past hills and vales

Filled with bright flowers that danced and swayed

All I could see was my garden;

With yellow dandelions and grass so green.

Along came Guru and Vaisnavas

Swinging the wand of MERCY

Singing the Mantra for Freedom

The rocking horse so shiny,

Transformed into a sturdy steed

With a lustrous mane and a powerful gait

First he trotted, then he ran, then he galloped

To a faraway land,

Filled with enchanting sights

I dared not breathe but held on tight

It was clear that he was headed for Krishnaland!

Had I not received such mercy

I would be still rocking

Not moving an inch I would be standing still

Such is the mercy of Guru and Vaisnavas,

Who accelerate our journey by leaps and bounds

Taking us to a land where peace abounds.

Chappan bhog

Been busy spring cleaning the house and trying to do some serious reading. With limited access to a computer, my life is dramatically changing, for the better.

Chappan Bhog, the blog dedicated to bringing out recipes of bhoga being offered on a daily basis at home is now online. Here is the link http://chappanbhog.wordpress.com/. The recipes are going to be a mish mash predominantly featuring South Indian dishes that I grew up eating. So, if you fancy offering vada, sambar masala dosa, or boondi laddu you are welcome to visit the site. Not a great cook but I'm trying to sincerely learn and will attempt to share the recipes along the way.

Our own little battles.

While going about our own day to day activities from time to time one is faced with their own little battles of Kurukshetra, sometimes with other devotees, family members, and mostly the mind. Sometimes Mr. Jekyll takes over and at other times Mr. Hyde becomes very powerful, snuffing out the all the goodness with a sip of his very own magic potion. In this age of quarrel and hypocrisy, we are often faced with "catch 22" situations and conflicts. Our success lies in effectively dealing with conflicts. Relationships are intrinsic to the soul. One can live without a microwave, a bed or even a computer, comfortably, but everyone wants to relate to someone. Just looking around my own neighborhood, I always see single old men and women with just a pet dog to keep them company. Shopping around in the grocery stores I see again; old men and women all alone unable to even pick a can of peas and drop it into the shopping basket,that it requires so much effort. Absent mindedly picking up a can of olives, I wonder what my plight will be in the years to come. Will I be fortunate enough to live in the association of devotees that I take so much for granted?

Guru Maharaja's words on the 4 principles of community building come to my mind:

1. Treat everyone you encounter as if the success or failure of your spiritual life depends on the quality of your interactions with them.
2. Reflect on the person you love the most, and aspire to treat everyone with that same quality of love.
3. View all conflicts as your own fault first.
4. Realize that people in your present environment might very well be the people with whom you will live out your life, and who are likely to be with you at the time of death.

I put my hand into my jacket pocket and find a folded sheet of paper, notes that I jotted down from a seminar on Devotee Relationships by my God brother- Bhuta Bhavana Dasa, January 1, 2009. That it should surface when such thoughts are going through my mind were indicative that I should note it down someplace else. I am summarizing the contents here:

Relationships are intrinsic to the soul. Our quality of existence is intrinsically related to our relationships. All qualities that we develop are a result of association- good or bad. From the Srimad Bhagavatam, Canto 1 we see that "Actual association of devotees brings about a quick change in life for spiritual realization."

The first, fundamental principle of establishing and maintaining good relationships is knowledge. Often times devotees are afraid in their dealings with other devotees in stating the facts for fear of committing Vaisnava Aparadh.It is stated in Harinama Chintamani by Srila Bhakti Vinod Thakur that we actually commit aparadhs by not dealing with a conflicting situation appropriately. In order to serve a devotee better it is not wrong to judge the devotee by his/her qualities and understand them. The 6 loving exchanges mentioned in the Upadeshamrita are important instructions. Krishna consciousness is so powerful that by following it through, with the blessings and empowerment we experience something far superior to our karma. We must therefore make a conscious attempt to include the 6 loving exchanges in our day to day activities, by being humble, with the single goal of pleasing Krishna. Building trust amongst devotees and non-devotees requires that one practice these 5 trust building measures viz: share relevant information, honor commitments,clarify expectations, admit mistakes and make amends. The Lord teaches different lessons through conflicts. Vaisnava Aparadh is the topmost offense and one must constantly engage in cultivating the positive while avoiding the negative. In order to achieve tolerance and to learn to discriminate the situation, one has to hear and read regularly. Addressing the situation, tolerating without envy and checking our motive for all actions, addresses the conflicting situation effectively.

Though it does seem like a long list of things to do, in reality there is just one point- Is my thought and consequent action going to please Krishna? In my own activities I felt that sincerely attempting to practise the the 6 loving exchanges has made a difference. Constantly living the philosophy is not easy when you are dragged into situations of conflict. This Friday, at the weekly Bhakti Vriksha gathering, we met a newcomer with a very unusual name- 'Bhagavad Gita.' Turns out that her father was so taken up with the teachings of the Bhagavad Gita that not only did he memorize all the verses of the Bhagavad Gita, but also ended up christening her with that name. A name that conjures up visions of a battlefield, powerful warriors engaged in a fierce battle. Powerful warriors; who are relatives and a constant reminder of our own battles of Kaliyuga. In our case, who wins the battle? you may ask. Ultimately the wolf that is fed is the one that wins the battle! For devotees it is very simple for it is the one on the side of Krishna who wins the battle and If Krishna is on your side it is only because He is pleased with your actions!